DICK POUND

So Dick Pound believes that a third of NHL players are on some type of performance enhancing dope.

Since Dick doesn't have an ounce (no pun here) of proof to back up his outlandish claim I figured why not pile on with some other slanderous, completely unfounded allegations about today's NHLers.

In Dick's world...

28% of goalies wear lacy brassieres as part of their chest protection.

11% of all players are active cannibals.

Five-eighths of left wingers list defecating in public as their favorite down time activity.

Most coaches are meth users.

44% of the 700 NHLPA members consume 100% of the camel tongue imported to North America each year.

56% of NHLers call a cardboard box and grimy sleeping bag home.

The league has a serious alcohol problem on its hands. Two thirds of players tested were described (by professional physicians) as "distilled."

Horse meat has replaced dog as the desired pregame meal for 89% of NHL players.

One in every five has served felony time in a state or provincial penitentiary.

A quarter of all defensemen can breathe under water.

35% of the current players own and operate opium farms in northern Afghanistan.

A large percentage of centermen would want Tara Reid to play them in a movie about their career.

An astonishing 69% of today's NHL players are, "On Call." (If you know what I mean.)

And one more thing, Elmer's Model Airplane Glue has become the smelling salt for an entire generation of NHL athlete.