STIFF STICKS

As I write this I have about 8 pounds of bird in my gullet and I'm very sleepy.

Breaking News: Rule 56 Doesn't Apply To Everyone
Do some NHLers get treated different than others?

Of course.

It happens on every team and it seems to also happen in the NHL's offices.

Phoenix Coyote captain (and fellow Kamloops Blazer Legend) Shane Doan was slapped with an instigator, fighting, misconduct and game-misconduct for punching Ducks' defenseman Vitaly Vishnevski toward the end of Tuesday's robust tilt.

One of the new NHL rules stipulates that when a player receives an instigator fighting penalty in the last five minutes of a game, the coach receives a $10,000 fine and the player is automatically suspended for the next game.

But whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold your horses.

Here's NHL executive vice president and director of hockey operations Colin Campbell's explanation of his previously unannounced addendum to Rule 56 according to a report in the Canadian Press. Doan didn't come with a prior record of such behavior and he considers the fine on a case-to-case basis. "It's something I crafted and fought for to get with the competition committee and the general managers. The key to the whole rule was that it would be automatic, no appeal by the team, but I would review every instigator in the last five minutes to see if it would pass the litmus test.

"And that would be, is this guy a two-shift guy who was out to send a message? Was it a tough guy doing his thing and leaving his calling card? Obviously, when you're talking about Doan, he played the most minutes in the game, you're not sending him out to send a message. So I'm going to assess each and everyone when it happens."

In other words, if you are a star player (or a coach who has "Great One" as an alias) we'll excuse your momentary burst of late game primal aggression...but, if we deem you to be of lesser importance and talent, well then we will enforce Campbell's Rule to the letter, font and punctuation.

Hey, My NHL still values the 18th forward, the 6th defenseman and the backup goalie.

Does yours?

Re-enforced and Ribbed Shafts
I've got your attention now don't I.

Maybe you've noticed that sticks aren't snapping at the rate they did prior to the lockout when the space-aged composites seemed to have the strength of balsa wood.

A couple reasons for that.

One, stick manufacturers attacked the issue during the work stoppage and came up with a stronger stick. They shifted the Kevlar to the four edges of the shaft giving it a exoskeleton of sorts.

Two, the leagues crackdown on stick work has all but erased the stick on stick slashing that had become commonplace. A lot of times it was the slashing that weakened the shaft, then when the player applied a lot of torque taking a shot the shaft would fail.

So now you know why NHL sharpshooters have a little more lead in their pencils.

NHLPA Takes a Turn at Shakespeare
Backstabbing, infighting, resignations, mistrust.

Reportedly, the whole "Saskin rushed to the throne" fiasco has it's roots in both betrayal and loyalty (no surprise there) It seems one of the members of the inner chamber alerted outgoing NHLPA boss Bob Goodenow to the fact he was about to be the former head of the NHLPA. Once that had been leaked the group had a potential lame duck leader on their hands at a very critical time, with events unfolding rapidly as the deal was being consummated.

That's when Ted Saskin was tapped to take over (Following a unanimous vote by the group)

Since then the Association has acted like a splintered, suspicious collection of individuals that can't move on.

"To mourn a mischief that is past and gone is the next way to draw new mischief on."
- Othello (act 1, scene 3)

The NHL's leadership has surely enjoyed the play.

Hot new synonym for scold: Vituperate

Excuse me now as I go find a couch and the remote, stuff my hand down the front of my pants that are now stressing the waistband, and watch everything at once, in rotation.