FIGHTING FOR DUMMIES

Once more (for the slow kids) I'm going to explain the need for fighting in the game of hockey.

It seems the bleeding hearts have again come out of the woodwork after the Stars-Blues dustup at AAC. (Talk radio had my breakfast in my esophagus for a second time.)

I'm gonna make this real simple.

Hockey is the only sport that gives each of its participants a weapon (stick) and has them run into each other in a confined and mostly unforgiving environment. As an outlet for indiscretion aggression in an often viciously malicious sport, fighting is allowed. When battered against a wall or backed up against it fight or flight takes over. (We are after all animals you know)

Another issue is the intimidation - retaliation angle. Intimidation is a huge part of hockey. Those of you who say you can intimidate with skill or speed, stick something gag reflex-producing in your pie-hole. As far as retaliation, when it comes to being a team or 'team tough', retaliation has to be an ingredient. If the other team takes liberties with your guys and the officials allow it, it's payback time. Otherwise the other side will view you as being soft as a cotton ball and they'll have the psychological upper hand.

Hockey; High stakes, testosterone bubbling, old enough to shave hockey, allows fighting as a deterrent to gutless stick work, bully tactics and backstabbing.

For those with microphones or word processors who think fighting in hockey is silly, barbaric, unnecessary, and only holds the sport back in the U.S. I offer the following.

Baseball would have more fights than it already does (which by the way is on par if not exceeding the number in hockey) if the runner had to face a base guarded by a player with a bat. And since I'm on the subject, just stop with the bench-emptying stare downs when a pitcher throws a ball near a batters noggin'. Either throw-down or sit-down.

Football would be a fight-filled extravaganza if each guy packed a club and the game was played in an arena (Hey, wait a minute. They do play in arenas in the appropriately named Arena League. Oh, that's right, they pad the boards for the big tough footballers.)

Basketball? Well we saw last year that it doesn't take more than a flagrant foul and a cup of beer to send players into fight club mode. At least hockey has the brains to thank its fans and beat each other up rather than the other way around. Again, give the players a foreign object, a cage around the court and a 'no blood no foul' governance, and I'll show you some lanky, bomb-throwing fisticuffs.

So in summation, Hockey without fighting would be...NASCAR without crashes, soccer without...(bad example), skeet shooting without bullets, boxing with full head gear and 20 ounce gloves,...American Idol without Simon.

You get what I'm saying.

I mean come on, Jerry Springer without physical confrontation is Dr. Phil.

Does anybody really want Dr. Phil Hockey?