SNOW DAY

I've obtained new Islander GM and former Islander back up netminder, Garth Snow's agenda for day one of his managerial career.

6:00 - Wake up, protein shake, vitamin supplements,

6:15 - Quick check of NHLPA website then head to gym for workout

6:30 - begin 40 minute bike ride

6:35 - Aborts workout after seeing report on ESPN that he is the sitting GM of the Islanders.

6:45 - Calls Mike Milbury on way home from gym, asks what time the office opens and what he is supposed to do.

6:55 - Calls Milbury back, asks where the office is.

7:30 - Sitting on LIE (Long Island Expressway) in horrendous morning commute traffic, contemplating stepping down as GM due to it.

9:45 - Arrives at Islander headquarters.

10:00 - Asks receptionist how to get to "Steve Sterlings office". She informs him he no longer coaches the Islanders.

10:05 - Retires to his office, calls Neil Smith to ask what in hell he's supposed to do. Smith laughs hysterically, then hangs up.

10:10 - Charles Wang bursts in and fires him on the spot screaming something about Yashin being the guy he wanted all along.

10:20 - Snow challenges Wang to a fight with blockers, then in a moment of clarity he stops the confrontation and suggests to Wang that he buy out Yashin and install him as General Manager, fire Milbury and replace him with Jason Blake, demote coach Ted Nolan to Bridgeport and make right winger Shawn Bates the new head coach. He also talks Wang into giving him a 56% share of ownership.

10:30 - Calls Bryan Trottier (asst. to the President) and asks if Bush could take a moment to talk. Trottier is dumbfounded, asks if he's joking and is fired by Jason Blake who has been conferenced in.

11:00 - Issues press release announcing the latest "shakeup" in management and announces that the Islanders will not participate in the new CBA going forward and is guarenteeing all Islander players 80% of revenue for the 06-07 season.

11:30 - Hires Bob Goodenow to a community relations post with the team.

12:00 - Lunch buffett at the renowned Long Island Marriott.

12:45 - Books dayroom for a "pregame nap"

3:00 - Returns to the office but is halted in the parking lot where new community relations man, Goodenow is conducting a press conference to state the reasons why he has orchestrated a wildcat strike of both the community relations and public relations departments. He also states that all personel are under a gag order until this is resolved.

3:15 - Snow issues a statement fully endorsing Goodenow's position.

3:23 - Hires Vincent Damphousse as Islanders Director of Golf

3:30 - Decides its time to sign a backup goalie to replace himself. After an exhaustive six minute search on the internet he offers Arturs Irbe a ten year, $63 million dollar bonus-laden contract which Irbe accepts immediately.

3:50 - Hires Trent Klatt as Strength and Conditioning coach.

3:55 - Has an epiphany, foresees an all-goalie broadcast team. Heard that John Davidson has left the Rangers and thinks he would be an excellent play by play man. The rest of the booth would consist of Glenn "Chico" Resch, Bobby "The Chief" Taylor, Gerry "Cheesy" Cheevers between the benches and in the studio,
The sure to please Islander fans tandem of former Ranger teammates John Vanbiesbrouck and Mike Richter.
Snow proclaims, "This is a great day for masked men."

4:00 - Makes push to have the old "Gorton's Fisherman" logo brought back to instill pride back into the orginization.

4:17 - Snow, Wang and the now mentally brow-beaten staff suppress a hostile take-over bid by Nystrom, Gillies, Morrow, Bossy, Potvin, Bourne, Goring, Henning, Marek, Sutter, Lane, Torrey, Arbour, Tonelli, Kallur, Smith, Melanson, Hart, Howatt, Harris, Westfall, Jiggs Mcdonald and John Spano.

4:33 - Offers Ian Pulver job as team's "Capologist". Pulver, the NHLPA's former legal council, declines the offer sighting "phylosophical differences". Job goes to Alexei Yashin's agent Mark Gandler.

4:38 - Petitions the competition commitee to allow goaltenders to utilize "Any and all means of net blocking appendages". Threatens to "open a can of whoop-ass" if his demands are not executed.

4:50 - Sends an e-mail virus to the NHL offices. The e-mail gets improperly addressed and infects all Islander staff computers, including scouting staff, who he fires immediately for not anticipating it.

5:00 - Scribbles "Mission Accomplished" on his computer screen in magic marker and then signs it. Hangs a 16x20 portrait of Chris Chelios in his office. Instructs the secretary to "loot the luxury boxes" for tequila and puts Jimmy Buffet and Alan Jackson's "It's 5 o'clock somewhere" on the office intercom after stating to all within earshot, "I can't wait until tomorrow!"