RAZOR SHAVINGS

Good Reason Why Stars Don’t Have An “Official” Mascot
This from a guy named Jeff Funnekotter: “The Seattle Mariner Moose ran over Boston Red Sox outfielder Coco Crisp last week -- some are speculating that it was no accident, and that the Moose is a cereal killer.”

Promotions?
Not sure what the Stars marketing arm has in store for this season, but I do have a list of the better Savannah Sand Gnats promos:

Lindsay Lohan Drunk Driving Awareness Night.
Don’t Misbehave Like Pacman Night.
Michael Vick Bring Your Pooch to the Park Night
And, Paris Hilton Park at the Park All Night...Night.

Van Halen IV
Van Halen is reuniting. The real and original one - sort of – with Diamond Dave fronting it, not that Cabo mop pop clown Sammy Hagar and thank god not that forgettable Extreme fruit of a frontman, Gary Cherone. Eddie’s kid Wolfgang is taking the easily replaceable Michael Anthony’s spot on bass. (Hopefully that will edit the unnecessary “Bass solo” from the show) Not sure about a Dallas date yet. Love to see it. (Hope Dave wears a wig). I was 13 when ‘Runnin’ with the Devil’ dropped from the seminal album “Van Halen” and I challenge anyone out there to out air-guitar me and my version. With a tennis racket, a dopey smile and that song played at “11”, I am Eddie Van Halen.

Thick Ankle Relief
Fashion note: Apparently skinny jeans are still in, but only by a rivet (And only on skinny girls – that should be a law). Look for pant legs to go wide, real wide – wide enough to cover shoes. And won’t that be great, $250 jeans hiding $450 shoes. Chicks?!

Lawn Mullet
Just stumbled on this one, perhaps you have a neighbor who cultivates one. It’s a lawn that’s neatly mowed in the front but uncut in the back.