THOSE SEVEN AND A HALF MINUTES

Due to the Wings-Ducks game going to a shootout we at Versus were "JIP" last night (Joined In Progress), and I'm sure many a Stars and Avs fan just added the "ed" onto the end of that acronym to succinctly express their feelings. Well I'm here to re-live all the earth-shattering events from those missing seven and a half minutes of the 2007-08 season opener.

Broadcast Open:
Working with Joe Beninatti (or "Joe B" as he demands to be called) we decide to do the on-camera portion sans shirts in an attempt to create a buzz off the top of the show. The diminutive but throaty play caller surprised all with his sculpted torso. His right, or "throwing " shoulder featuring so much "ink" I thought he'd had a massive Sharpie pen mishap. For my part I stand stoically sucking in my stomach, ruining take after take stumbling on the word "transmogrification". But I nail the push to a single shot of me bellowing, "Mark my words people, this NHL season is going to be sofa king good!"

Second Shift:
There was a barbaric fistic confrontation between Jussi Jokinen and Milan Hejduk with both landing thundering right hands. Jokinen had to be restrained by the linesmen and then scaled half the glass in the penalty box in an attempt to get at a fan. (decision went to Jussi "The Real Deal" Jokinennnnnnnn)

Goalie Controversy:
Colorado tried to pull a fast one and started Patrick Roy in net, however, the eagle-eyed Stars coaching staff noticed and launched a formal complaint sighting the fact Roy had signed his retirement papers and thus was ineligible. When told he'd have to leave the game, Roy flew into a rage and was heard screaming, "I'll never play another game for this organization!" (all in french) Our super-sleuth and fully bi-lingual sideline reporter Bob Harwood asked for an interview but was rebuffed by Martineau who as a compromise offered up David Aebischer who curiously no longer plays for the Avalanche.

Avs Powerplay:
The Avs went on their first powerplay of the season at the 5:32 mark due to a vicious Loui Eriksson hook. Colorado's much ballyhooed unit featured rhythmic player shifting, some lyrical skating and a chorus of terse passes. Unfortunately all of this transpired in their own zone and they quickly fell to 0 for 1 on the season prompting GM Francois Giguere to put into motion "buy-out" papers for free agent acquisition and powerplay specialist, Ryan Smyth. A TV timeout allows him time to reflect and he retracts the papers.

Rejoin:
We are told that the game at the Joe (Joe Louis Arena...Joe B doesn't have a rink named after him-yet) has ended and they will be coming to us momentarily. Joe and I are told to stay silent but at the ready. We remain that way for upwards of five minutes as the action continues in front of us at ice level. During that time span the nation in fact does come to us but Joe and I are not prompted to speak. Versus ratings explode 10 fold and we are told by "the truck" that Executive Producer Mike Baker will be submitting the five minute segment for national Emmy consideration, calling it, "Intensely laid back" and "Audibly life changing".

The rest of the night you saw.

Its been my pleasure and what I feel, my responsibility, to complete the opener for you.