HATE THE GAME, NOT THE PLAYA!

I'm not here to crap on the NHL All-Star Weekend -- I'm here to poop on it.

Why the harsh bodily fluid treatment?

According to players who have been selected in past, the "honor" of being selected has been diluted by the circus of commitments and logistics that now encumber the event. Everything from mastodontic piles of jerseys to sign, to getting family to-and-fro.

The game itself cannot be saved. (This is indisputable) It's not hockey. And it doesn't "showcase" the sport or the individuals that play it. Unfortunately, these "Mid-Season Classics" comes off as slow, painfully unselfish, skate and pass exhibitions - lightly peppered with uncontested goals.

This year, away from the actual game, they "revamped" the Saturday Skills Competition, and all but did away with the Young Stars game. (It was a 12 minute 3-on-3 game after last year's 4-on-4 game produced an embarrassing hour and a half of "action") The Skills night was a baby step in the right direction (ie the elimination shootout), but also a spectacularly over-thought and convoluted step back (That obstacle course -- thing?). And it's hard to explain to the casual fan why a $9 million a year "pro" can't execute a move that a 9 year old nailed between periods at a Stars game.

To me the All-Star game has gone from an entertaining memory-maker where young, up and coming studs got to play a game with some of their idols, to a mostly passionless and monotonous exercise for the league and its sponsors, to what we're witnessing this year -- injury replacements, no-shows, and the commissioner of the league fielding soft-balls on-air.(They may have created a little monster by giving him a satellite radio show)

My advice; don't cancel the event, cancel the game.

By that I mean, do away with the actual playing of a game (or that facsimile they put forth) and just have every All-Star participate in a shootout.

Call it, "Saturday Shootout Showdown"

Do it up right with lights and music -- and real celebrities.

Make it a "Made for TV" event (Lord knows they don't do that for the regular season games so here's a gift to the rights holders).

Let television call all the shots. That way they can sell commercial time -- and get them in. (Novel idea)

Put together short features on some of the players and intersperse those into the competition -- sort of like they do on American Idol.

You know, focus on the best skills the best in the game can provide, cover the human interest angle, and M-A-R-K-E-T!

So, bag the radio show Gary, and listen to the Razorboy -- cause he is "the people".