YOU ASK, I ANSWER

1.) Hey Razor, what's up with Pronger only getting 8 games for going Ginsu on Kesler?

My take. Kesler was leg locking Pronger, preventing him from getting back in the play. As Pronger shook loose he got ticked, and since Kessler was lying on the ice his options were down to; kick, stomp or ignore. He elected to send a message of displeasure through his skateboot and blade. How is this different than Chris Simon's stomp? The 30 game suspension stomp. I don't know, maybe one was dirty while the other was completely filthy? Ask Colin Campbell.

2.) Hey Razor, why did Turco bolt to the bench in the 3rd period vs the Canucks?

The Turco boy is a bright one. When his goal net came off its pegs he scampered to the bench for an extra attacker, startling coaches and teammates alike. You see, the rule states that once the net becomes dislodged the play will be allowed to continue until the opposing team gains possession of the puck, and, (and this is the key point) no player from the opposing team is permitted to put the net back in place. Michigan educated Marty knew all this and tried to use it to his team's advantage. Smarty Marty!

3.) Hey Razor, who would be the best matchup for the Stars in the first round?

Atlanta

4.) Hey Razor, you've done Eastern Conference games for Versus this season. Which conference is better the West or East?

That question begs for a two-part answer. From a strictly hockeycentric and structural discipline standpoint it's the West in a walk. The Western Conference is bigger, tougher, deeper and more of a nightly grind for points. However, if you are looking for entertainment the East is tops. The Eastern Conference houses 60-goal man Alexander Ovechkin, the league's best powerplays, a lot of run-and-gun teams, a lot less travel (so a lot more energy), and the 3 teams that NBC knows and covers (The New York Rangers, Pittsburgh Penguins, and Philadelphia Flyers.)

5.) Hey Razor, as a guy who used to occasionally get hit with vulcanized rubber, what's the best part of the body with which to absorb an errant puck sent into the stands?

Either the bum or the upper meat of the thigh. Every other area offers no mass and thus will hurt like hell forcing you to writhe in pain, swear like Rosie O'Donnell, and probably bleed.