REPULSIVE, OR RESOURCEFUL?

Here's a question for you as we finish up the 2007-08 road schedule. If you repeatedly wash sweat-drenched workout clothes in the sink or tub at the hotel using only shampoo, bar soap and wrist strength, are you showing an earthy, can-do side or are you degenerating into a "vagrant" in training?

The reason I ask is that I've become quite proficient at what I am coining "Upscale Urban Hobo Living".

That's right; the Razorboy is combining Five Star accommodations with societies' downtrodden "use what you've got" attitude. (And the maids love me for it.)

I'm contemplating expanding my tub laundry enterprise into underwear and dress socks, and I may also adopt other tricks of the trade from my street people brethren.

I'm thinking of turning the a/c or heat off in rooms and making a bed of down comforters, Egyptian cotton sheets and terry robes to fend off the elements at night.

I may also begin a panhandling program to support my Starbucks coffee habit. The sign I'm contemplating: Hey You Cheap F&*#s, I Need Starbucks!

Oh, I hear ya. Other than my cups of Joe how will I sustain myself? I will do so by stalking the hallways of Westins, Fairmonts and Ritz Carletons pilfering leftovers from discarded room service trays. Also, I am of the belief that turndown service pillow chocolates cover most of the major food groups.

The beard I grow will help me better blend with the people while also saving water and money otherwise spent on shaving supplies.

As far as bodily functions go, I will now be relieving myself in hotel stairwells just as my "brothers on the street" do.

Showers will be taken in the pool or hotel water feature.

My rigorous physical conditioning program will be perpetuated through daily confrontations with bellboys, valets and concierge personnel. Some will be cardio (running away from them after fill in the blank indiscretion) Some of it will be strength training (wrestling or fistfights)

All of this is going to be such a liberating experience for me personally, and I think a real tangible movement for hotel snobs everywhere who are trying to do their part in saving our Mother Earth.

If you too would like to join the hobo express, get your stick and bandana sack, and get to steppin'.