NO LOITERING

I've just learned from my sources in Washington that when Arlen Specter and the U.S. Congress get finished with the MLB steroids investigation and a rumored Mitchell Report -- like hearing into the NFL's "Spygate" saga, they will be holding a full blown, empty the coffers, fact finding mission pertaining to goalie interference and crease violations in the NHL.

Blue paint experts Sherwin Williams and the Blue Man Group are expected to testify.

Sean Avery will also be called but is said to be bargaining to be allowed to say his piece with his back to the committee.

Tomas Holmstrom is expected to take the 5th.

The goalie lobby will no doubt be out in full force.

Commissioner Gary Bettman, fresh from a trip to Capital Hill for a steroids hot stove, was asked to comment but deflected the inquiry like Johan Franzen on a clear-headed day, opting instead to issue the following statement:

"You know, it's a fascinating question. I have to be careful how I answer it at this stage of the proceeding. We do play the games for a reason, so I always hesitate to anoint any result.

And I think in the final analysis, teams that are well-run, well-put together, the chemistry's good, the right mix of players, can do very well, and can become dominant, even under a system where you don't have an unlimited hand in terms of what you can spend.

I don't know if that adequately answered your question."

It didn't Gary, but thanks.

And oh but isn't fiction fun?!