MELROSE BACK IN PLACE

The news of Barry Melrose leaving ESPN for the bench boss job in Tampa brings to mind numerous talking points;

Who replaces him at ESPN where he has been their hockey expert since '96? (Personally, I'm gonna miss his unique pronunciation of "unbelievable". He seems to feel it's spelled "unbuleebull" - and he uses it often)

Will he perpetuate his trademark mullet hairdo? A "do" that is now business in the front, party in the back - grey about the temples. (Note to Barry: Even Hannah Montana's dad has moved on.)

Will he have similar success to that which he enjoyed in Los Angeles in the early 90s? (In Tampa he has lots of talent to guide, including this past draft's first overall pick Steve Stamkos and all-world forward Vinnie Lecavelier. And hey, maybe Mike Smith will be a latter day Kelly Hrudey for him? If so, order the head bands...but measure the sticks!)

Yes lots of stuff to discuss.

So anyway, here are two top notch topics to muse:

1. Best candidates to take his chair at The Worldwide Leader in Sports:

- Scotty Bowman...if he can grow what's left a little longer in the back.

- Ray Ferraro...same as Scotty but add 9 or 10 rings to the resume.

- Mike Milbury...good hair although American hockey fans may want that flip, page-boy "do" trimmed, and he would need to learn what laughing is.

- Me...all the tools, no tool box.

- Mike Meyers...could play Melrose as Wayne pretending to be Austin Powers with Fat Bastard's attitude and maybe a smidge of Dieter's arrogance. Gold!

- Kurt Russell...he nailed Herb Brooks so Barry would be workshop material.

- Reg Dunlop...would have a tough time learning to curtail the profanity but Barry's wardrobe would be accurate.

- Joe Dirt..teach him about this internet thing and what forechecking is and bingo!

- Ryan Smyth...top existing North American player mullet, he has to be a candidate.

- Michael Handzus...it's a global game and he had the World Record fuzzy Eastern Block mullet last season, plus "Zeus" would be a god in Bristol.

2. Next hockey "broadcasters" to move from make-up to making lineups:

- Darren Pang...former goalie (ta-da), Yzerman buddy, looks more mature than he actually is. (And since Vern Troyer played the Leaf's coach...)

- Kelly Chase...wise, tough, grew up near Melrose.

- Bryan Hayward...Cornell educated, seen lots - done lots. Had public feud with Avery, so he has stones.

- Ed Olcyck...he's the closest thing we have to basketball where every out of work coach is a broadcaster and every analyst is just biding time till that next coaching gig.

- Steve Colbert...funny, smart, talks hockey, connected...shoe-in!

- Nik Kypreos...If Mess takes a GM position this move would be a given.

- Farhan Lalji...TSN's West Coast Hammer surely feels he knows more than those he grills.

- Jim Carr...Chiefs play caller would be a beauty behind a bench. No telling whether he would go "goon" hockey or would "play it straight". Hopefully the hair would stay in place and The Hansons could still play.

- Don Cherry... With Barry going back into battle Grapes has to feel the itch. He was memorable with the B's back in the 70s and if Keenan can, then...Besides, with Hockey Night in Canada's theme song aborted he has to be feeling that change is in the air. (Just be careful how many players are on the ice during that "change")