HAPPY JOY ICE THOUGHTS THAT JUST MAY SAVE THE PLANET

It's now August, and like a guy who has bunged himself up by eating too much cheese, it is time to "get more regular" with the blog. So I promise to take a mental laxative and get back to filling the bowl with steaming coils of observations, questions and thoughts. (In the interest of good health and air quality I'll light a match after posting)

Bill Guerin

It's August 3 and there is still one coaching vacancy available -- the New York Islanders. The Isles tend to do their thinking outside of the box and in that vein I suggest they resurrect the old "player/coach" double-duty and give the job to former Star, Bill Guerin. Billy G would be perfect. He'd be a latter day Reg Dunlop -- sans the tan leather suit, the Hansons, and the inability to skate...Switching to the world's slowest game, Ken Griffey Jr. didn't like what one of the Reds broadcasters had to say about his play and reportedly threw a neck slash gesture his way. I've been working for the Stars for a dozen years and have only been confronted twice about something I said on the air -- and in both cases it was a management member not a player, and in fact one of them was actually a blow-hard from another organization (He got fired and is now...a broadcaster...of course.)...Any moment now Mats Sundin is going to tell us all whether or not he feels his kids' children's offspring may need an influx of cash some day. I'm not sure if it's sad or purely dumbfounding that $20,000,000.00 for two years worth of skating and shooting just isn't intoxicating enough to be a no-brainer...Anybody think there is an outside chance that the new Tampa Bay braintrust/ownership/management team might write a new chapter for the revised version of "Ready, Shoot, Aim"?...Great news for surgery-bound Stars, Dr. Dan Cooper is back in the fold with the club after a two year hiatus. He's the best doc my knees have ever experienced (and they've seen a few) and he is widely regarded as the best at what he does, period. Somewhere in Quebec Phillipe Boucher is doing backflips -- hopefully with a spotter and entombed in bubble-wrap, and in one of those jump houses!...If you are looking for a top notch word to slide into patio conversation this month try "gesticulating" ...With the addition of Sean Avery and Phoenix adding Brian McGrattan to go along with Carcillo and company, the early line on duration of divisional games between the Stars and Phoenix is 3:38...A friend who has obviously been adversely effected by the record heat in Dallas passed this query along; If football is played with a football, soccer with a soccer ball, tennis with a tennis ball, golf with a golf ball, baseball with a baseball, why is hockey not called "pucking"?...Are you having fun with the stock market this summer? Remember, Wall Street indexes predicted nine out of the last five recessions...Every summer I make a list of things to try. So far this year I've crossed off zip-lining (they now want to use me in their promotional campaign, of course), Parkour, and money laundering...With no hockey to watch during the off-season the best "guy shows" to watch are Deadliest Catch, Family Guy, The Colbert Report, Ellen - in that order. Up here in Canada it's NHL Network Classic Replays, Bob Izumi's Real Fishing, Trailer Park Boys, Holmes on Homes, V.I.P. (Pam Anderson is a Canadian treasure), Ellen... Oh, and if I hear that "I Kissed A Girl" song one more time I'm sealing my ears shut with "cherry chapstick".