MOTOR CITY MAULING

In light of last night’s spanking in Motown I thought we’d revisit my premature blog posting prior to the first meeting in Dallas. The Stars followed my 10 step program much more closely in the latest shellacking at the Joe.

10 Simple Ways To Get Drilled By The Cup Champs

1. Approach the contest with a severe inferiority complex. (Can you say 0-8-2 at the Joe, Marty?)
   
   
2. Right from the opening faceoff play with an air of fear similar to that of those fainting goats on YouTube. (The Stars actually had a decent start, right up to the point where they fell behind 2-0)
   
   
3. When possible, panic with the puck and continuously throw it to no one in particular. This works especially well in your own zone. (The Wings committed way more turnovers, 13-3, but they recover well)
   
   
4. Take a healthy number of penalties due to poor positioning and turnovers. (Nailed this one. Nine powerplays for the league’s #1 unit)
   
   
5. Produce a wack of oddman rushes against by playing mindless and tremulous hockey at the attacking blueline. (They didn’t get out of their own zone enough to be able to make mistakes in or near the Detroit zone)
   
   
6. Treat Wings captain, and six-time Norris Trophy winner, Nik Lidstrom with the same respect you’d give a washed up, journeyman blueliner. (He was very good, as always, but Kronvall had the most impact)
   
   
7. Allow Franzen and Holmstrom to occupy the front of your net as if they were both diaphanous and armless. (I forgot to add Cleary too)
   
   
8. Never move the puck into the middle of the ice or toward the Detroit net. Instead, attempt to beat them by rimming pucks around the boards in both the defensive and attacking zones. (Bingo)
   
   
9. Win as few face-offs as possible as a way to set up your “checking game”. (37% on the dots, mission accomplished)
   
   
10. Pay no attention to overrated forwards Datsyuk and Zetterberg - they’re so one-dimensional. Same goes for that free agent flop Marian Hossa. Instead, focus a lot of your effort toward ensuring Valtteri Filppula doesn’t “beat you by himself”. (All three scored, all three helped set up another goal, and all three dominated. Filppula was held scoreless and 0 for 4 in the faceoff circle)