ME, MYSELF AND RAZOR

After watching our Stars showcase their multiple personalities over the past five games I’ve decided to come clean on my own dissociate identity disorder.

For years I have been dealing with the “other people” who reside deep within me and I feel now is the time to let the two of them come forth. So, without further a due, let me introduce “Ron Hardsteeple” and “Robert Brownschidle III”

Ron is the hard living anchor/reporter for the fictitious 70s sports network HJNS (Heads, Jocks and Nerds Sports). According to him his fashion sense and catch phrases are what set him apart, phrases like ‘Jump Back!’ meaning, "Are you serious?” or “Wow!” and 'Feel Tha Funk'. He’s also fond of ’You're Harshing My Mellow!’ which means you're annoying me or making me mad. ‘You Ain't Just A Woofin' is his way of agreeing with a response during happy talk or during interviews. ‘What's up Homie G Funk?’ is how he greets his subjects and crew. Ron also uses ‘Mucho Wackoid’ when there is a particularly fantastic or very good play to describe during highlights. ‘Smooth Play Shakespeare’ is dropped on the unsuspecting when they said/did something really stupid, and when he is really crazy about someone or something in a very irrational way he blurts out ‘Wally Wally Blood and Dolly.’ When he gets upset at his imaginary producer/director Donny Biggs (which is often) or anybody else he feels is getting in his business, he’ll scream ‘Stop Dipping In My Kool-aid!’

And of course there is his classic and completely insincere sign-off, ‘T.C.C.I.C’ (Take Care Cause I Care)

Robert tends to gravitate to the art scene and does a lot of nude hand modeling. For companionship he enjoys “antiquing” – chasing rich, widowed women in their late 60s. He boasts about a painting collection that would make the Smithsonian seem like an Aaron Brothers Framing franchise and says he was once outbid by Prince Alwaleed Bin Talal Alsaud on a rare Jackson Pollock when the winning bidder tossed in the mining rights to diamond-rich eastern Siberia (Mimy to be exact). He speaks both French and Cantonese, can sing in Spanish, German and Hindi, and says he has had his dreams published in “most South American countries”. He drinks three fingers of single-malt scotch, neat, four times a day starting at 8:20 am sharp and has never bothered to pursue a motor vehicle drivers license.

All three of us are looking forward to meeting you sometime soon.