PAULA ABDULING

As I watched American Idol I had an epiphany.

No I’m not going in search of a golden ticket to Hollywood. (Although I could get into the top 12, easily, cause I’m me, and I kill on Rockband) No,what I air-debated was this; what if NHL games were decided by a judging panel and Joe Public instead of Shootouts when still tied after 65 minutes.

Crazy?

Is it?

Or is it the most interesting premise you’ve heard in the last half century?

Just think, style would trump scoring, entertainment would beat structure, and teams would be penalized for being too safe with their choices. It would be a sensationally bizarre paradigm shift.

The panel would be easy to assemble. John Buccigross, Brett Hull, Ray Ferraro, and me. Plus, you the fan would be weighing in via text-messaging or twittering – or a series of clicks and whistles like the dolphin community use to communicate.

We would fire off our opinions using an outrageous scoring system that would make Around the Horn’s seem logical.

A team that just hung on to get to OT might find itself actually losing 5-10 points in the standings because they murdered the game’s entertainment value.

A club that didn’t pinch its defensemen every single shift – points deducted.

Team’s that employ the trap –verbal lambasting by all four judges and points taken away for every forward caught skating backwards in the neutral zone.

Passes mindlessly chipped into the other team’s zone – demerit.

Pucks rimmed around boards by defensemen during attacking zone pressure – demerit.

Other than in the final 2 minutes of regulation, any blocked shot – demerit.

Coaches that underuse top 6 forwards – demerit.

And so on.

Ok, you get the idea, but what about earning points you say.

Goal celebration would be a big accumulator. If you saw Ovechkin after sticking his 50th that would be at least a 10 point bonus. Ride sticks, feign shooting a glove thrown in the air, you dream it we’ll applaud it.

5 forwards on a powerplay or 4 on the ice in overtime – points awarded.

Keeping one player at center ice when the puck is in your defending end (also known as “cherry picking” or “soft tracking”) – points.

Big hits – points.

Basically anything that titillates the adrenal glands would be awarded.

The pressure to entertain would be immense. The public humiliation of the dullards would be harsh.

There would be massive swings in the overall league standings.

The truly “new” NHL would be anarchilogically awesome!

What?

Yes that’s a word, and no I haven’t been hanging with Michael Phelps. (what an odd question.)

Think about it, Dancing with the Stars, American Idol, America Has Talent, etc., all viewer participation – panel berating shows, all loved.

Ya, who’s the nut now?!

Final question, should Ambien be taken with Glenlivet?