EMMY TIME

This will be the most narcissistic, self-admiring, horn blowing blog I write this season – ok, this week. Please take it for what its worth – which is a lot.

The best, brightest, most aggressively marketed people and shows in television were honored in Hollywood last night during the 61st Prime Time Emmy Awards. I think Doogie Howser hosted. I agree, WTF?

Well, in line with Ron Burgundy’s local news Emmy from Anchorman, the regional Emmy Award nominees have been announced and we at Dallas Stars Television have been nominated for a couple more Lone Star Emmys again this year.

The nominees were announced on Friday, on the internet, which shows just how current and edgy the Lone Star chapter is.

The entire group of button pushers and pee-ons who work beneath, around, and above Ralph and me were nominated for Achievement in Sporting Event/Game – Live/Unedited –Program/Special/Series. Of course the nomination for them was achieved on the backs of the insanely talented and yet charitably accommodating duo of Ralph Strangis and Daryl Reaugh, who are obviously also included in this nomination and will absolutely demand top recognition.

As far as the other nomination, it should be billed as a “coronation” not a nomination.

The duo of Ralph and Razor (FYI, I’m currently pondering a litigious assault to have that moniker permanently flipped to Razor and Ralph, KYP… KYP? Keep-You-Posted, duh.) have had the Emmy voters once again offer up a nod of approval in the On Camera Talent – Reporter – Sports Analyst/Play by Play category. The oddity this year is that it’s a one horse race – no other “Talent” has been nominated. But really, should there have been? I mean is there another duo worthy of being in the same conversation? What would be the point of nominating others? To capture the agony of defeat? This must be what Tiger feels on a weekly basis. The fear of his peers, palpable. The inferiority, understood. The adulation, taken in stride. (The BS, now really flowing.)

This year my only hope is that I capture both awards because my decorator Liamm Lightintheloafers says you should always display artifacts (or in my case, Emmy statues) in 3s, 5s or 7s. Since I have three already, if I were to only garner the one it would break the “Too much sugar in his coffee” designer code and force me to display 4. OMG, how queer that would be to look at!

In case you are wondering, the game that was submitted to the Emmy voters was some obscure, late-season tilt against the Nashville Predators - which makes the nominations that much more impressive, and understandable. They must have thought; Hey, if these two clowns can make a match-up between two non-playoff teams watchable, let alone compelling, they deserve a statue – and maybe a guest shot on Criss Angel-Mindfreak.

Our victory, and the other winners will be announced during a gala in the Palladium Ballroom at Gilley’s in Dallas on October 17th, which is appropriate because bullsh*#t is a staple there, but the date is also shocking considering we will be otherwise occupied in Chicago that night, broadcasting, at an Emmy-winner level no doubt, the Stars – Hawks game. In our stead I’m pushing to have a Stars fan search for the fake Ralph and Razor who would be present to accept on our behalf and offer up an acceptance speech along the line of the bitter and belittling one Michael Jordan gave at his Hall of Fame induction. So Stars fans, if I get my way you might want to try shaving your foreheads high and bone up on as many 50 cent words as your hard drive will hold.

Humble and Flattered,

I remain,

Daryl Razor Reaugh
A Talk Pretty God’s Gift to the Color Analyst Position