RONNIE WILSON'S WAR

The Leafs are 0-7-1.

That’s the worst record in the league – by a lot.

Poor Leafsnation has experienced a pandemic of broken, twisted and sprained ankles. Apparently it’s quite a drop from the back of that bandwagon.

Anyway, as a service to current Leaf coach (and Razorboy media-approved) Ron Wilson I thought I’d offer some advice mined from past coaches on how he could get the Maple Laughs off the schneid so to speak. (Right after the Wednesday night tilt against the Stars of course)

• PYRAMID POWER...Former Leaf bench boss, Red Kelly was a devout believer in the power of pyramids. Back in the 70s he had them installed underneath the Maple Leafs bench at the Gardens to give them a cosmic boost...Advice to Ron: Start collecting triangles and brush up your knowledge of ancient Egypt.
  
  
• SURRENDER TOWEL...While coaching the Canucks Roger Nielson got fed up with the officiating during the Stanley Cup Playoffs and, with a white towel on the end of one of his player’s stick, he waved the flag of mock surrender. “Towel Power” was born from this and was a wonderful rallying cry during the 1982 trip to the Final...Advice to Ron: If things get real bad (As if they aren’t already) concoct a similar protest, or seriously think about taking hostages.
  
  
• SOVIET WITHDRAWAL...Back when the Russians were the Soviets and the Flyers were the Broad Street Bullies, Red Army coach Konstantin Loktev pulled his players off the Spectrum ice in Philadelphia due to what they felt was unnecessary brutality prompting broadcaster Bob Cole to infamously announce, “They’re goin’ home”...Note to Ron: I guess this is only going to work for you on the road, but you do have that pyramid thing for ACC, so...
  
  
• GOALIE SHIFT WORK...Mike Keenan used to be known for changing his goaltender as often as a football fanatic with NFL Sunday Ticket and an acute case of ADD changes channels on the Sabbath. He once tried the tact of swapping his goalies every shift, just like his players....Tap the brakes Ron: I know, I know, as soon as you find two goalies worth rotating you’ll try this. You’re such a sarcastic pessimist.
  
  
• TOO MANY MEN...This was an old Roger Nielson tactic from his OHL days. With a lead late in the 3rd period and facing a two-man disadvantage he kept putting too many players on the ice to induce stoppages in play and subsequent penalties. Since you can’t play with fewer than 3 players on the ice there was nothing the other team or the officials could do as the clock, and the game, ground to its staccato conclusion....Advice to Ron: Ron, since a lead seems improbable, maybe you could lobby the league to use six to eight players throughout the game instead of five in order to ensure the NHL’s desired parity on a nightly basis.
  
  
• LINE BRAWLS...This dates back to my Junior hockey days. Playing for the late Bill Laforge we would find ourselves trailing in a game from time to time and when that rarity happened Coach would wait till the other team’s best line and defense pair were on the ice and then he would send out our toughest five (many years they were also some of our most talented too). Prior to the ensuing faceoff they would start a “line brawl”. After the gloves had been picked up and the blood scraped off the ice the opponent’s top guys would either be kicked out, injured or too frightened to continue being constructive in the game. 99% of the time we’d come back to win the contest after the, uh, “momentum changer.”...Advice to Ron: Talk this ploy over with your GM Brian Burke. I’ll bet he gives you a green light considering his positive views on truculence, pugnacity, testosterone and belligerence. And no, you can’t borrow Steve Ott for a month.