TOO PITCHY DOG

I have two separate takes on the putrid post-Olympic play of our Stars. One is a rosy, Ellen Degeneres view of things, the other is, well, a bit more Simon Cowell.

Ellen says…I think they are working hard, things just aren’t bouncing their way. Maybe some of their choices in coverage could be better and they sometimes fail to work in concert with one another but with a payroll in the bottom five of the league perhaps the fact they are still within a couple of points of a playoff spot at this point in the season is a victory in itself. Look at the other teams on the bubble: Detroit still hasn’t got their act together, and they’re healthy now. Calgary has turned their roster over and now have no identity, Anaheim is better but not a shoe-in, Minnesota moved a couple key veterans at the deadline signaling a partial surrender, and St. Louis fired a coach this season. The Stars are right there. I like you. The home record had been phenomenal until this rough patch lately, and they were starting to believe in themselves on the road again prior to the break – thanks in large part to Turco’s goaltending. I’m cheering for you. Take a few more risks, get the D involved in the attack again, clean up some of the problem areas, and for me it’s a playoff yes.

Simon says…Everything and everyone is out of wack. You’re not going to make the playoffs. Come on, let’s be serious here. The defense is mistake prone at best, feeble and understaffed at worst. The goaltending has been erratic and unable to be the savior it needs to be. The one line that has been left intact – Richards, Neal and Eriksson – has produced most of the offense – for both teams. The others have been a hodge podge which has been reflected in their production, or lack there of. You play with very little structure and are easily torn apart by well-coached opponents. The record in games decided by 3 or more goals is evidence of this. Thanks to the 5-1 and 6-1 defeats this week you’re now 5-12 in such games. That’s 12 of your 23 regulation losses by at least 3 goals, blowouts. What ever happened to “bend don’t break”?! Some key individuals, including your captain, seem frustrated and unhappy with the roles they’ve been assigned while others appear confused, bewildered, browbeat, or overwhelmed. And above all you generally seem uninterested in banding together, or playing for one another. Look, you’re a nice enough team but this isn’t for you. You’re not a playoff team. For me it’s a definite no.

Seacrest out!