GREETINGS FROM...WHERE THE HELL AM I?

As I write this I'm somewhere between Vancouver and Dallas for the fourth time in the past week and looking forward to tomorrow as it will be my fifth day at home since the Stars season ended. I feel like the George Clooney character in Up In The Air, only without the philandering.

So what has been going on as I fly and call playoff games for Versus, let's see...

Just yesterday the city of Glendale, Arizona rebranded itself "Greece" following a vote to agree to cover the Coyotes losses for next season.

My suggestion to the Vancouver Canucks: sometime over the next 12 years of Roberto Luongo's contract relieve him of the "captaincy" burden (it's just plain ridiculous for a goalie) and winnow his addiction to practice because he looks like a guy who uses practices as a wooby blanket instead of as a tool to be in prime shape and game situation ready. In a nutshell (sorry Sammi Salo) his performance is receding, not improving.

Speaking of Salo. His "injury of the testicular variety" created more than it's share of manhood humor. You can guess what they were. An early, and sarcastic one from a Vancouver scribe was more a statement, "I didn't realize Salo had any balls." For my part, I think I was able to exhaust every euphemism known to man for testicles. (wedding tackle, berries, jewels, marbles, walnuts, cash and prizes, onions...well...you get the picture.)

American Airlines Admirals Club is a godsend!!!!

#1 question I get asked: What's going on in Dallas?

#2 question: Weren't you in _____ last night?

The San Jose Sharks have the look of a winner not because of their top end guys but rather their support staff, and their coach.

The Blackhawks are deep on the playoff warpath thanks to speed, depth, a competitive Finn in goal, a swagger, and the most complete 22 year old center this side of Sidney Crosby, Jonathan Toews.

The East has been wildly competitive and chock full of upsets (well, one) but whichever team comes out of there should get their ass handed to them by either Chicago or San Jose.

My iPhone keeps me sane on these flights. Thanks Steve Jobs.

The Yard House restaurant needs to come to Dallas. I suggest somewhere near AAC.

My golf game is non-existant. Royal Oaks, I miss you every bit as much as you miss me.

The new Ritz Carlton in downtown LA is Razor-approved.

And finally...only a couple thousand more miles to Platinum status!!!!!!!!!!!