WHAT I'VE LEARNED (During the 2010 Stanley Cup Playoffs)

All you have to do is...get into the playoffs to succeed in the playoffs - at least in the East.

Elias statistics service is...like having a "Hey, I was wondering" genie at your game day disposal.

Seat 31F on American's S80 from Dallas to Philly...is a kinesiological ass-whipping for any human larger than Vern Troyer.

Micheal Farber of Sports Illustrated...is the most poetic and intelligent hockey writer of this generation. (thank god his press box heart malfunction in Dallas years ago was only a scare, not a sign-off)

Dave Tippett...can't beat Mike Babcock

Alex Ovechkin...is a one trick pony and a big game gagger.

Where else other than Montreal... Can you stroll five blocks from your homoginized chain hotel and feel like you've arrived in an urban market in Paris?

Some one told me...Michelob has introduced a "light" version of it's reduced calorie Ultra beer. Really? Is it called water?

Which Canadiens fans hyperbole-dripping love of their yet to prove anything young goalies is best. "Jesus Price"? Or "Halak" instead of "Stop" (or, "Arrette") inside a stop sign?

Sade's Soldier of Love...helps peel away hours of travel.

Goaltending...isn't as important as it used to be, unless your goalies name is Nabokov.

Kirk Muller (the #2 pick in 1984) is...a better coach than the #1 selection that year (Mario Lemieux), but SuperMario has him in about everything else. In case you care, the #42 pick has them both trumped in the broadcast booth.

The Flyers could put...Manon Rheaume in net and she'd answer the call, just as each of the 6 or 7 they have suited up have done. Goalie coach Jeff Reese deserves some credit, and so does that stout Flyer D.

Three people who I think are outstanding at what they do, and you should know their names, are...Lauren Hart, Pierre Houde, Elliotte Freidman

Flyers Player Development man (and still the only American to captain a Stanley Cup winner) Derian Hatcher...looks exactly the same as he did 8-10 years ago. No pudge, a new knee, that long curly mane, and has an eldest son who is now 16 - and a player.

Telestrators...are over-rated

Versus rinkside reporter Charrissa Thompson...has the best girl hair in the playoffs. Hockey Night in Canada's superb reporter Scott Oake must have follicle envy. (So would, 70s Farrah)

At the conclusion of a period I like...to hear sirens, not eardrum piercing horns.

Hawks coach Joel Quenneville...looks the way I want my Chicago Blackhawk coach to look: greyed, with a no-nonsense haircut, favoring dark pinstripe suits with a stogie in the cigar pocket and a testosterone fueled moustache adorning his frenulum. Quenneville, Phil Jackson, Mike Ditka. All moustache-ioed. All champions. All loved.

Legendary HNIC play by play man Bob Cole...undoes his pants to call the games.

Tumi luggage costs a lot...cause it's worth it.

Flyer fans...could intimidate a Hun.

Habs fans...intimidate officials

Hawks fans...intimidate their young players.

Sharks fans...deserve better results

A taxi from a North American airport to a hotel will make you...want to bath in Purell. Will take 0.63 years off your life. And will challenge your understanding of what the driver is passing off as the English language.

ESPN's hockey guru Barry Melrose...looks like General Custer - if he were Canadian, wore bold suits and pronounced unbelievable, "unbeleebull". Get a buckskin suit Barry, and plenty of ammo, cause those Blackhawks are back on the warpath!

After calling my third consecutive Conference Final...I'm ready for summer!