Well, the respite is over. The Razorboy is back.

In case you’re curious, the reason for the dry spell was three-fold; I didn’t have much to write about that would be even remotely worth reading, I was censored, and I did the Texas – East Coast swing with the Jonas Brothers – kind of a Grateful Dead thing for the Twitter generation – which took me to a different place spiritually, so I was unavailable for comment...and it was awesome!...cause Joe Jonas rocks!

Anyway…what’s been goin’ on?

The Management Shift: This was a stunner to a lot of people, but the man they’ve put in the big boy chair is both capable and highly regarded. The thing that is, and has always been, most impressive about Joe Nieuwendyk is that although he is very intelligent and Cornell educated he doesn’t think he has all the answers – he’s a smart guy who doesn’t think he knows everything. (There have been countless others who have occupied the G.M. chair for various franchises who were the exact opposite – idiot know-it-alls.) In my mind Nieuwy-type makes for an excellent leader – and that’s what the franchise needs.

The Coaching Change: Joe seemed to have a type of coach in mind when he took the job and that obviously was counter to the style Dave Tippett employed. He wanted a more take charge guy and a little less of the so called “player’s coach” approach. That’s not to say Tippett isn’t a good coach, it’s just that Nieuwendyk didn’t think he was the right coach for this team right now. Next year’s group will get pushed and things might be made a little more uncomfortable – these are good things. In past, part of the team’s shortcomings could perhaps be traced back to a lack of prodding and a vacillating level of accountability. If this bench boss move is the franchise switching partners in the age old “good cop, bad cop” tango then Marc Crawford is draped in black, aviator shades on, tooth-pick in mouth. There’s a new sheriff in town.

The Draft: Picking in the top 10 is foreign to the franchise but welcomed by the current brass. As much as you need cerebral management and bright coaching in order to succeed in today’s NHL you also need really good players. Enter Scott Glennie, a highly skilled right winger out of the WHL taken 8th overall by your Twinkles. He was ranked 7th by Central Scouting, up from 12th at mid-season among North Americans. His teammate/linemate Brayden Schenn was selected three picks earlier by the L.A. Kings. (I wonder which one the Stars scouts coveted most?) Both played for Les Jackson’s old junior team the Brandon Wheat Kings and word in the “W” is that you wouldn’t go wrong with either of the talented forwards.

Today, the start of Free Agency: Don’t expect July 1 to be as pyrotechnic in Texas as it is up here where I am. It’s Canada Day (Canadian 4th of July if you will) so the Reaugh girls and me are smothered in Red and White temporary tattoos. The Stars however will likely not be tattooing their logo on any high profile free agents this year - no Sean Avery shockers this time. Instead, they will be weighing less expensive options – needs, trades, etc. – but you never know. I will be watching a couple Stars free agents with great interest. Brendan Morrison and Darryl Sydor - quality people, both of them - and still able to contribute in their own ways at the stage of career they are presently in. Of course, if Dallas lands The Monster (and its down to the Stars and Leafs) that would be another story – a major acquisition – and a goaltending succession plan put in place.

Me: Not a lot to report. I’m contemplating shaving my head, reading Rozelle by Jeff Davis, and learning how to use Mac (the computer, not the make-up - I already know how to apply the make-up…which is sad.) Yawwn!

CanadaRazor out.

The games were high theater (until Game 7s dud) but the bigger charge I got out of the whole affair was the opportunity to call the games with Mike "Doc" Emerick.

Doc is a legend - and a Hall of Famer - and one of the nicest, most professional and beloved individuals I've ever come across in my line of vocation. Many current broadcasters who think they are the center of their little TV universes, and who believe they are overworked or under appreciated, the ones who try hard to be bigger than the game they are calling, those who act like pompous, spoiled narcisists, they should all spend a day with the "Doctor" and witness true greatness, see what a real workday looks like.

He says he's on "the back nine" of his career behind the mic but he'd still embarrass them all.

The 5 games with him were an education and extremely my pleasure.

And one more thing, who will be the signature voice for hockey in the U.S. when Doc does decide to call it a career? I have some front runners but talk about a vacuum.

As far as the series...Crosby was Tiger, Ovechkin is Mickelson...and Varlamov is more Mike Moffat than Ken Dryden.

BOSTON-CAROLINA
The Bs went to sleep in the middle of the series and Eastern Conference #1 seed found themselves in a Game 7, and it didn't go well.

In the end Ward was better than Thomas in the pipes, and the Canes were faster than the Bruins in the neutral zone.

The league office died a little when Walker scored to knock the big market Bs out, just two games after getting only a lecture and a fine for sucker-punching Aaron Ward.

How bout them Canes. They either miss the playoffs by a mile, or go deep in pursuit of the Cup!

DETROIT-ANAHEIM
Red Wings are too deep. Osgood just wins. Babcock is the games best tweaker and motivator.

Ducks were one line, a veteran checker, a deep d-corp, and a Swiss version of Steve Penney in net. Not enough to topple the defending Cup champs - but close.

CHICAGO-VANCOUVER
The young Hawks are playoff precocious. They aren't supposed to be mature enough for this deep a run. But the kids are alright, Khabibulin is a proven big save goalie, and the Blackhawks seem to have role players embracing their roles. Oh, and they can skate, which is why they can hang with Detroit's stuff now.

The Canucks are built around Roberto Luongo's netminding and he sucked in a must win Game 6. Shocking.

Like everyone else the Canucks had problems with the Hawks combination of speed and skill...and moxy. Now what do they do? The Sedins are UFAs and Luongo is entering the final year of his contract. Can you say makeover?

I'm doing Pens-Canes East Final so watch - they need the ratings and I'll say something outlandish to keep your attention...

As always, I employed forensic analysis to my autopsy of the opening round, how the games played out, injuries, home ice, etc. I found very little, so I went back to the regular season, and what I uncovered was that how the teams played over those final 10 games really did seem to matter - not a huge surprise, I believe intensity isn’t run by a tap, but still…

Final 10 game record of teams that advanced			Final 10 game record of those who lost
BOS	8-2-1		NJ	4-5-1
*DET	3-6-1		SJ	5-4-1
PIT	7-2-1		PHI	4-5-1
VAN	6-3-1		CGY	4-6-0
CAR	8-2-0		NYR	5-4-1
ANA	7-2-1		*STL	8-1-1
WSH	6-2-2		MTL	5-3-2
CHI	7-2-1		CBJ	3-3-4

*Denotes the exception to the Razorrule (These are the “stopped clock is right twice a day” teams in my little algorithm)

ANAHEIM - SAN JOSE
In a matchup of teams the Stars vanquished from last year's post season (oh those were the days)the President's Trophy winning Sharks drop into a 3-1 hole to an 8 seed Ducks team that is anything but a first round patsy. Yes the Stars popped Anaheim in the opening round but in their previous three playoffs they won a Cup, lost in the Conference Final, and lost in the Stanley Cup Final - nice pedigree. The Sharks are proving to be exactly what people say they are - 900 thread count soft. If they rally and win San Jose will be the first team to do so since 1994. The past 27 teams to go down 3 games to 1 in a series have ultimately bowed out.
And if they bow out the core of that team will be blown up.
Best Player in Series - Scott Niedermayer

DETROIT - COLUMBUS
Did this one end in 3 games or 4? Steve Mason will be the NHL Rookie of the Year but he failed to channel Ken Dryden in his matchup with the defending champs. In a super-coach cockfight, Hitch got em into the playoffs but Babcock showed that the 2009 Cup goes through Motown.
Best Player in the Series - Any and all skaters dressed in red with a winged wheel on their chest

VANVOUVER - ST. LOUIS
Roberto Luongo and the Canucks look like a legit threat to come out of the West. They asphyxiated the Blues powerplay and turned Chris Mason into Jackie Mason (or should I have used Marsha?) Vancouver is deep both at forward and on defense, the Sedins are producing, the team is healthy and "Louie" looks possessed.
Best Player in Series - Luongo...or Kesler

CHICAGO - CALGARY
Best series of opening round, plump with passion, hatred and the inability to win in the other teams building. Guys are getting suspended for behavior in warmup that's how amped this series is. Hello Game 7? Or is Calgary going to lose the war of attrition?
Best Player in Series - Jonathan Toews

Here is the usage or meaning I promised you.

Absorb and Enjoy!

10,000 foot view…a view of the situation that encompasses all and everything.

2K9-2K10…looking ahead to the 2009-2010 campaign

50-50-90 rule…given a 50-50 chance that things would go right this season, they went wrong 90% of the time.

Action items…what the Stars management have already jotted down for next year.

Air cover…this is when upper management takes the flak for an unpopular decision (can you say Sean Avery?)

Alpha pups…young guys who played significant roles (Neal, Brunnstrom, Niskanen, Eriksson, etc.)

Bad cosmetics…any action or practice that reflects badly on the organization (on a few occasions they were in need of a cosmetologist)

BFO…Blinding Flash of the Obvious, or, what I provided for 82 games.

Blameshift…the finger pointing that goes on behind the scenes of a losing season.

Blamestorm…the hockey departments upcoming meetings will surely incorporate a good measure of this.

Boiling the ocean…working hard without focus or purpose, or every game after being “officially” eliminated.

Centergistic…what the Stars, maybe to their detriment, became.

Circling the drain…what the Stars did from the moment they lost Captain Brenden Morrow

Climate sensing…Stars management’s upcoming random sensing of workforce attitudes.

Coachable moments…plenty of these for Tippett and his staff this season

Compensated endorser…at the root of our existence, what Ralph and me are.

CORFing…this is for you Stars fan. This is how you maintain self esteem when your team loses by Cutting off Responsibility for Failure through blasting the coach or the top players on call-in shows and message boards.

Deep dive…this is the in-depth exploration of a problem, issue or subject. (Strap on the flippers and oxygen tanks Stars hockey department!)

Deferred success…hopefully what Turco and company went with this season.

Double click…to give a topic more attention or evaluation. (ie The Stars will double-click on their backup goaltending situation)

Drinking from the fire hose…what many overwhelmed call-ups and youngsters appeared to be trying to do

Hedonic treadmill…as your salary rises so too do others expectations of you. (this is for Turco, Ribeiro and the rest of the $5M+ club)

Herding cats…what Tippett must have felt like he was attempting to do on many nights. Also, what this year’s Stars powerplay looked like it was doing.

Hot desking…what I do in my vocation…also known as location independent working, which I love.

Internal community…another way of saying “the group”, or “the players”

Kidult…an adult who still acts like a kid, ie Mike Modano

Knowledge transfer…what Sydor was asked to do with the Stars young d-men

LAQs…Lame Ass Quotes (also; “coachspeak”)

Lexicurious…what many of you were when I dropped “meritorious”, “oxter”, and “phalanx” on you this season.

Megadigm…the shift to a more aggressive and risky offense the Stars tried to implement out of training camp in an attempt to score more goals. (didn’t last, didn’t work)

StarsStuff store-gasm…what you may experience with the deep, end of season, merchandise discounts that commence…now.

Nerdvana…the area directly across from my seat on the plane where uber-nerds Jason Walsh and John Sponsler wage epic battles on their PS3 devices and suck back Dr. Peppers with no regard for the 23 flavors.

Ohno-second…the fraction of time, slightly longer than a nanosecond, that it takes to realize you goofed.

Out of runway…mid March

Pain points…those overtime and shootout losses, especially the two 1-0 losses.

Paula Abduling…what Ralph was doing for most of the 2008-09 season. (I’m more Simon)

Photox…the process of digitally removing pocks and blemishes from photographs. (especially handy for Icegirl calendar shoots)

Plowing water…what the Stars started doing around March 1st

Sarchasm…the gulf between my sarcastic wit and those of you who don’t get it.

Shortening the path to profitability…what the franchise will undoubtedly do going forward.

Smogging…a sales term.

Squeeze and tease…what you the Stars on TV fan endured during out telecasts when the game action was shrunk down in order to promote other sundry upcoming programs on the network.

Squirt the bird…big time TV jargon for having your game pumped out via satellite.

Upgrade the herd…what the brass will hopefully do this summer.

Verbicidal…the condition I exist in, believing that I’m skilled with the use of words (or a “verbalist”) but am in reality, grammatically challenged.

Zerotasking…what I have on my plate from the end of the hockey season until the opening of training camp.

Here is a list of hip words and phrases I’ve coined in an attempt to describe the season that was.

Go ahead, give figuring out the usage a shot.

A decade ago the Stars and Avalanche met in the first of two epic Western Conference Finals. Tonight they'll meet as the two worst teams in the league since February 19th.

Ka-thud.

And with that sunny little informational nugget, here, for your edification, are the present situations of those who were with these two proud but currently humbled franchises 10 years ago:

Mike Modano - 1 goal scored in his last 33 games, his worst 33 game segment ever.

Jere Lehtinen - 8 goals on the season (only 46 gp due to injuries) his last one February 26th.

Darryl Sydor - 1 point from 500 for his career. He's not the offense producer he once was - that 500th point will only be his 16th this season.

Sergei Zubov - 10 games played this season, his last one on November 28th prior to having season ending hip surgery.

Joe Sakic - Might play tonight, if he does it'll be his first since November 26th. He's only played 15 games this season due to back surgery and a freak hand injury.

Milan Hejduk - 27 goals to lead team, but a far cry from 40 and he's -18 which is tied for worst amongst their forwards.

Adam Foote - currently concust and out indefinitely, he's dressed for only 42 of their first 80 games.

Moral of the story - this game takes a toll, and you can't keep father time at bay forever.

FYI, 35 years to the date the last, brave mask less goalie plied his trade in the NHL.

April 7th, 1974 Andy Brown stared down shooters without the safety of a mask.

Sounds insane doesn't it?!!

And they could shoot just as hard in 74'.

Now days you can't even get a goaltender to wince they're covered in so much space-aged armor.

Craig Mactavish was the last player to play without a helmet.

Who will be the last to compete without a visor? (That day is coming too you know.)

You've been informed!

Is it just me or it totally fitting that the 2008-09 Dallas Stars get eliminated from playoff contention with a win?

After all, this is a team that has lost twice when their goalie shutout the opponent. Really.

Sad as it is it’s far from a shock.

This has been a slow, painful and inevitable death – the likes that haven’t been seen since the days of those overacting thespians during the silent film era.

“Believe” was the playoff slogan a year ago. “Misery” has been the title of the regular season that followed it up – in more ways than one.

And last night they were put out of their misery.

Ssssscccccccccccccccrrrrrreeeeech!

What was that?

A goal against from just this side of the other team’s goal line??!!!!!!!

That can’t be.

Oh yes it can.

In my exhaustive research on all things Climie I stumbled across a YouTube clip of the long range embarrassment. It happened last spring during his 6 game baptism into pro hockey with the Stars AHL farm team in Iowa- and it was odorous! I hope he had some witty excuses. I know I never let one in from that distance, however anything that whizzed past me from beyond 65 feet was usually blamed on (a) the sun in my eyes, (b) a chick flashed me, (c) I thought I heard a whistle, or (d) all of the above.

Sorry Matt.

Oh, and congratulations on the “W”.

I bet that headline got your attention.

Not what you were probably thinking though.

Instead, what I’m talking about is the very real probability that Dave Tippett will be moving on to Team Canada’s bench for the upcoming World Ice Hockey Championships in Switzerland once the Stars disaster of a season sinks into the Pacific following the finale against the Ducks.

Former Stars G.M. Doug Armstrong is the man in charge of piecing it together and he has hockey management up and comer Joe Nieuwendyk assisting him, so it has a decided Stars-hockey flavor to it, plus, due to Armstrong and Tippett’s strong relationship and the coaches availability it makes the decision almost a no-brainer.

My guess is the bench staff will include recently fired Rangers coach Tom Renney, Tippett and maybe Lindy Ruff from the Sabres.

This season Tippett couldn’t get his Swiss-born goalie to play worth a damn in North America - maybe he’ll have better luck getting a Canadian tender to shine in Switzerland.

It was brought to my attention this morning that I made an egregious editing error when I was putting together my lines for the “What If…” blog entry a couple days ago.

I forgot Otter.

He, being the faithful Edge reader that he is, confronted me after the skate to ask if I had put him on waivers, or traded him or if he had merely been made a healthy scratch.

None of the above - I just had a momentary bout of Alzheimer’s.

So Steve, my apologies - the Pepper Pot always has a place amongst the forwards on my team, as you can see below.

Morrow -- Ribeiro -- Lehtinen
Neal -- Richards -- Eriksson
Hagman -- Modano -- Brunnstrom
Barch -- Ott -- Crombeen

This month’s GQ has linked the urban “cougar” with our little stick and pucksters.

If you are a “front line forward” for the Stars you’re probably being stalked by any number of Kim Cattrall starter kits who’ve spent long hours sipping cosmos at Sambuca’s while crafting their hunting skills.

Our Team, Our Time?...For these lady cats it’s apparently “My Place, Anytime”

Here’s the article.

RRRRRRRRaaaawwwrrrr…Enjoy!

The context was Marty Turco, playing in his 72nd game of the season – a season that has not been, by his standards, a good one.

Tired? Maybe a little -losing takes its toll and he’s much more active than most goaltenders – sort of like a defenseman/goaltender hybrid. But workload doesn’t factor into the first 25 games of a season does it? And fatigue doesn’t seem to be a crutch for a handful of other netminders who have been every night sentinels for their teams.

Want an example from previous seasons? How about Marty Brodeur?! He played 77 last year and his team finished 5th in goals against. Same goes for Nabokov in San Jose, he played 77 and the Sharks were 3rd in GAA. Luongo played in 73, Lundqvist played 72 and led the league with 10 shutouts. Is that enough?

Maybe I’m just crass but I really don’t believe “fatigue” has a very prominent place on the excuse list.

Just look at the hoops and hurdles this franchise goes through and over to ensure that the Stars have excuses erased from the equation.

· A chartered 757 jet with deep reclining seats, a half a dozen flight attendants who go nonstop to get them whatever they need during the flights – and that usually includes pre-takeoff food along with three or four choices of meals. A 3-hour flight is three hours of tasty delights and pampering – and it doesn’t start with a cavity search like every other business traveler’s does.

· Accommodations at first class, five star hotels with many of the players getting their own rooms.

· Countless team meals set up to ensure they eat well prior to, and after games.

· Extra nights in hotels on the West Coast to help with the time zone hit when travelling back home to play two days later.

· A separate bus for players and coaches (To keep the travelling floaters at arms length)

· A dedicated team services person.

· A team masseuse, two medical trainers, three equipment trainers, and a strength and conditioning coach.

· A state of the art practice facility

· Accommodating practice times

· Optional practices up the ying yang

· A payroll within the width of a cigarette paper of the league’s cap.

If that kind of treatment grinds you down as a professional athlete you might have to reconsider your vocation. (Or your own routine)

Sorry but excuses are what losers cling to for justification.

Marty Turco isn’t a loser, in fact he’s one of the winningest goalies in the league this season, but that statistical category aside, he’s just simply picked a real poor time to have a rare sub-par season.

Tired?

Tired of the Paula Abduling (hearing perky, positive feedback in an effort to spare the individuals feelings), that’s all I’m tired of.

What if the Stars had remained healthy, kept Hagman and not signed Sean Avery, and not lost a young improving winger on waivers. What would their roster/lineup look like today – with 5 games to go in the regular season – and what would their record be?

The record would be difficult to nail down but it’s safe to say it would be north of the not good enough 33-33-10 mark they currently have.

And the lineup for tonight’s tilt in L.A. might look like this:

Morrow -- Ribeiro -- Lehtinen
Neal -- Richards -- Eriksson
Hagman -- Modano -- Brunnstrom
Barch -- Petersen -- Crombeen

Niskanen -- Zubov
Sydor -- Robidas
Daley -- Grossman