Therefore instead of listening to me spitball about potential signees, the Boy looks back at the Club's summer signing history over the past decade.

1998 -- Brett Hull - team needed a goal scorer to capture a Cup, Gainey went out and got THE goal scorer. (And a future decision maker)

1999 -- None to speak of

2000 -- Van Allen, Tabarracci, Helenius...Who? Yawn!!!!!!

2001 -- Dimaio, Turgeon, Audette, Kamensky - this was like Ishtar or Waterworld, a total disaster. Dimaio was the best of the crop and did work as a Stars scout this season. Turgeon delivered about half of what was expected. Donald Audette proved to be just as useless and selfish as advertised. And Val Kamensky had one foot in retirement (Maybe that's why he fell all the time)

2003 -- Guerin, Young, Boucher, Downey - Kind of a mixed bag. Other than Boucher's record setting 2006-07 season, some goals from Billy G, and Downey's DJ work and one punch ability, most of them contributed only modestly to the cause. Guerin was bought out in 2005, Young retired with a bad back and Downey won a Cup with the Wings this year.

2005 -- Coming out of the Lockout teams had to buy a lot of players, and the Stars did ok.

2006 -- Halpern, Barnaby, Lindros and Barch. Who'd have thought Krys Barch would be the long termer. Barnaby is on TV, Lindros is involved in the NHLPA, and Halpern is rehabbing a destroyed knee in Tampa.

2007 -- Disappointed Stars fans wanted some star power, instead they got promissory notes and some toughness (Winchester and the short stay of Todd Fedoruk)

Happy Canada Day Y'all!

Who replaces him at ESPN where he has been their hockey expert since '96? (Personally, I'm gonna miss his unique pronunciation of "unbelievable". He seems to feel it's spelled "unbuleebull" - and he uses it often)

Will he perpetuate his trademark mullet hairdo? A "do" that is now business in the front, party in the back - grey about the temples. (Note to Barry: Even Hannah Montana's dad has moved on.)

Will he have similar success to that which he enjoyed in Los Angeles in the early 90s? (In Tampa he has lots of talent to guide, including this past draft's first overall pick Steve Stamkos and all-world forward Vinnie Lecavelier. And hey, maybe Mike Smith will be a latter day Kelly Hrudey for him? If so, order the head bands...but measure the sticks!)

Yes lots of stuff to discuss.

So anyway, here are two top notch topics to muse:

1. Best candidates to take his chair at The Worldwide Leader in Sports:

- Scotty Bowman...if he can grow what's left a little longer in the back.

- Ray Ferraro...same as Scotty but add 9 or 10 rings to the resume.

- Mike Milbury...good hair although American hockey fans may want that flip, page-boy "do" trimmed, and he would need to learn what laughing is.

- Me...all the tools, no tool box.

- Mike Meyers...could play Melrose as Wayne pretending to be Austin Powers with Fat Bastard's attitude and maybe a smidge of Dieter's arrogance. Gold!

- Kurt Russell...he nailed Herb Brooks so Barry would be workshop material.

- Reg Dunlop...would have a tough time learning to curtail the profanity but Barry's wardrobe would be accurate.

- Joe Dirt..teach him about this internet thing and what forechecking is and bingo!

- Ryan Smyth...top existing North American player mullet, he has to be a candidate.

- Michael Handzus...it's a global game and he had the World Record fuzzy Eastern Block mullet last season, plus "Zeus" would be a god in Bristol.

2. Next hockey "broadcasters" to move from make-up to making lineups:

- Darren Pang...former goalie (ta-da), Yzerman buddy, looks more mature than he actually is. (And since Vern Troyer played the Leaf's coach...)

- Kelly Chase...wise, tough, grew up near Melrose.

- Bryan Hayward...Cornell educated, seen lots - done lots. Had public feud with Avery, so he has stones.

- Ed Olcyck...he's the closest thing we have to basketball where every out of work coach is a broadcaster and every analyst is just biding time till that next coaching gig.

- Steve Colbert...funny, smart, talks hockey, connected...shoe-in!

- Nik Kypreos...If Mess takes a GM position this move would be a given.

- Farhan Lalji...TSN's West Coast Hammer surely feels he knows more than those he grills.

- Jim Carr...Chiefs play caller would be a beauty behind a bench. No telling whether he would go "goon" hockey or would "play it straight". Hopefully the hair would stay in place and The Hansons could still play.

- Don Cherry... With Barry going back into battle Grapes has to feel the itch. He was memorable with the B's back in the 70s and if Keenan can, then...Besides, with Hockey Night in Canada's theme song aborted he has to be feeling that change is in the air. (Just be careful how many players are on the ice during that "change")

One of the funniest, wittiest men ever to grace this earth has died.

George Carlin aka The Hippy Dippy Weather Man (My Dad's favorite and a character I copied for a 5th grade play - and killed I might add) succumbed to a heart attack at the age of 71.

I, Along with everyone else with an open mic (excluding satellite radio and cable TV) adhere to his "Seven Words You Can't Say on TV" and his genius dissection of the differences between baseball and football is also a gem.

He produced countless other musings that remain current through the decades.

Legendary stuff.

A sample:

- "When someone asks you, a penny for your thoughts, and you put your two cents in, what happens to the other penny?"

- "If a pig loses its voice is it disgruntled?"

- "Is a vegan allowed to eat animal crackers?"

- "What if there were no hypothetical questions"

- "Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day."

- "Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?"

I believe that's how Livonia, Michigan's Mike Modano introduced himself to the professional hockey world two decades ago when the Stars organization selected him with the first overall pick at the 1988 NHL Entry Draft.

Twenty years ago this month!

The Twinkles haven't picked first overall since, and Modano, validating the pick, has gone on to be the greatest American on blades (With the obvious exception of Chaz Michael Michaels). Along the way he's become both an icon of style and purveyor of solid acting chops - as seen during his strong to very strong cameo in the Mighty Ducks movie.

The horror.

You know how your high school yearbook is an everlasting indictment on your late teen insecurities and confused fashion sense -- well same goes for 'Draft Day' in a hockey players life. Whatever was supposedly 'in' that year, was on you. And you were smilin' and steppin' lightly.

Duran Duran hair highlights.

Billy Ray mullets

Double breasted suits.

Skinny leather ties.

You get the picture.

Now unlike those already well known, instantly rich (and over handled) NBA and NFL draftees with their custom made designer suits and smooth demeanors, hockey has always been a little fashion-tarded at the summer meat market - and most of the players look about as comfortable as Velcro underwear sitting there, for hours, in their chosen frocks.

The phrase 'earrings on a pig' comes to mind.

Anyway, Modano's game has held up extremely well over the past couple decades even if his 1988 fashion statement has not.

And twenty years from now, as we watch highlights of the 2008 Draft in our life-size holographic viewing chamber, we'll marvel at the clothing and grooming choices of those whose names were called.

Its been a while.

Been a while since the Stars season ended.

Been a while since Detroit was crowned (or '3 Crowned').

Been a while since I've added my two cents.

I call it decompressing. My wife calls it "The annoying period of every calendar year." The time when her loving husband is grumpy and without purpose yet is still too busy to do, "women's work". My girls refer to it as "Daddy now got no excuses not to play Polly Pockets and entertain us, time."

So lets see, what's rattling around in the Razorboy's gray matter...

-- The Wings were the best team in hockey because they had; great two-way players, timely save goaltending, the best defenseman maybe to ever play in this league, a core of veterans who know how to win - and they were really, really, really well coached. Nothing is tougher to overcome than a talented team that is pushed and has its best offensive players interested in defense. No shame at all in bowing out to them in the round of four.

-- I guess they dinged the trophy a little during celebrations. It happens. You probably remember a story about a one hop plunge into a local rockers pool in '99? Or maybe you heard about the '94 Rangers returning Lord Stanley's Mug in a box -- in pieces. You party hard when you win the Cup -- you earned it.

-- There was a lot of talk about how Nik Lidstrom became the first European Captain of a Stanley Cup team, which is true, but let's grab some perspective. After being in North America for decades he now sounds about a Swedish as the chef on the Muppets sounds Texan. Put Lidstrom in St. Paul, Minnesota and no one would suspect he was a foreigner of any kind.

-- Speaking of Swedes, Matty Norstrom's retirement announcement was not unexpected. His family moved back to the Motherland with a few months remaining in the season in order to give his two autistic children the best care and tutoring possible. He was a terrific teammate, a talented head shaver, and is wished all the best in his new/old life back in Scandinavia.

-- Coaches keep getting fired, interviewed and hired. A week before the draft and no fewer than 5 teams are still coachless -- Atlanta, Tampa Bay, Ottawa, L.A., Florida…and for you cynics -- Calgary.

-- The Maple Leafs soap opera continues to unfold. Since the end of the season they have; fired their coach, hired a coach (former Sharks man Ron Wilson), and just yesterday they hired the man who was brought in to take a Leaf blower to the hockey department then bow out when a permanent G.M. was secured (ie Brian Burke). But even the best laid plans get altered and Cliff Fletcher is now their permanent General Manager. Don't be surprised if 1999 Conn Smythe winner Joe Nieuwendyk is hired by the Buds shortly as a sort of “Manager in Waiting”. He and Fletcher go back to the Stanley Cup days in Calgary and Joe is made for that gig.

-- The NHL Awards were last night (Full breakdown later). I never understand why the league doesn't use the S. Cup Playoffs, and especially the Final, as a platform to award the season's best players. Marketing -- it can be a befuddling arm.

-- I have a new word -- TARADIDDLE. It means fib, or pretentious nonsense. (Use it at your own risk)

-- Dominic Hasek retired at age 43. The Dominator was the guy who surrendered THAT goal to Brett Hull in Buffalo in '99 and I think his legacy should be that of the guy who took the statistic of save percentage to a different stratosphere. Before he came along in the early 90s a save percentage of 90 was what was regarded as excellent. Then he moved the bar not just a little but a whole lot. I know 3% doesn't sound like a lot but when Hasek started posting save percentages of .930 and higher, he set a standard that was previously thought unattainable.

-- Yesterday another blow of reality was delivered to Mike Modano's hockey mortality. Trevor Linden, the player drafted second overall behind Modano in 1988 announced his retirement.

-- And finally, do you think Stars owner Tom Hicks would ever peddle his Stanley Cup ring through an auction house in order to put his grandkids through college like former Edmonton Oiler Owner, Peter Pocklington just did? Me neither.

There is no question they gave it their all and exorcised some menacing playoff demons along the way but ultimately they had to absorb the same thing 29 of the 30 teams get every year -- a downer ending.

The Detroit Red Wings performed the execution with determined, detailed and drilled- into execution.

And with that the Stars of 2007-2008 closed the book on the team's 15th season in Dallas with way more positives to build upon than negatives to fret about.

The Negatives:

• No banners to hang, no hardware earned, no Cup won.
• Key veterans Modano, Zubov, Barnes and Lehtinen are all a year older.
  

The Positives:

• They got out of the First Round!
• A newfound ability to win in overtime.
• Valuable experience for the young players, the team, and this coaching staff.
• Brenden Morrow's giant steps, Marty Turco's enormous saves.
• A revitalization of the fan base.
• A return to the National media's consciousness.
• A long overdue playoff payday for Mr. Hicks.

A full autopsy will be forthcoming in the next few days (I have some thoughts, oh but do I have some thoughts) but for now, let's all just reflect upon the things that this group was able to accomplish.

Just like getting over the sting and finality of losing that 4th game, it'll take us a while.

At the time the lil' Stars were looking as overmatched as a woodpecker in the Petrified Forest so it took some creative thinking to come up with "The Formula".

The first thing, and the easiest plan of attack to invoke, was for Marty Turco to just slam the door and be the First Star in four straight games. (He's half way there). But that's a little too "well duh" even for the Boy, so I drafted a check list, an eight step program, a veritable road map for the Stars to follow in order to accomplish the near-impossible.

My own working template was born from the novelty To Do List stationary I received on my birthday which has the straight-forward heading "This Is F#@%ing Urgent", and from Ocho Cinco's "Who Covered 85 in '05" locker list from happier days in Cincinnati.

And so I release to all of you -- free of charge, Razorboy's Dallas Stars 08' 0-3 Urgent Rally Formula:

1.     (X) GET A LEAD

2.     (X) WIN A PERIOD

3.     (X) WIN A GAME (Game 4)

4.     (X) STEAL A GAME (Game 5)

5.     (X) GET THE WINGS ATTENTION

6.     ( ) SCARE THE WINGS (Win Game 6)

7.     ( ) STUN THE WINGS (Win Game 7 @ Joe)

8.     ( ) SHOCK THE HOCKEY WORLD (Be first team in 33 years to rally from 0-3 to win)

Why is it that NHL teams can win playoff games on the road but NBA teams can't?

(Road teams in the NBA Playoffs are 2-21...Road teams in the Stanley Cup Playoffs are 31-46)

Here's why; Goaltending

Goaltending is illegal in basketball (And apparently so is playing with sack away from the cushy confines of a home arena)

Goaltending is the great equalizer in hockey. Outshot 50-15 on foreign ice, no problem, the guy with the mask has your back.

Prime example - Marty Turco at the Joe, Game 5, Western Conference Final.

Is there a Game 6 Monday without Turco's "Shut Your Red Wing Mouth" performance in the pipes for the Stars? I mean just take a minute and fathom the magnitude of his awesomeness. He stopped 38 of 39 shots AND provided the primary assist on the game winning goal in a 2-1 must win game.

That is the very definition of Turcolicious.

And that is the major difference between road hockey and road b-ball.

Blue paint experts Sherwin Williams and the Blue Man Group are expected to testify.

Sean Avery will also be called but is said to be bargaining to be allowed to say his piece with his back to the committee.

Tomas Holmstrom is expected to take the 5th.

The goalie lobby will no doubt be out in full force.

Commissioner Gary Bettman, fresh from a trip to Capital Hill for a steroids hot stove, was asked to comment but deflected the inquiry like Johan Franzen on a clear-headed day, opting instead to issue the following statement:

"You know, it's a fascinating question. I have to be careful how I answer it at this stage of the proceeding. We do play the games for a reason, so I always hesitate to anoint any result.

And I think in the final analysis, teams that are well-run, well-put together, the chemistry's good, the right mix of players, can do very well, and can become dominant, even under a system where you don't have an unlimited hand in terms of what you can spend.

I don't know if that adequately answered your question."

It didn't Gary, but thanks.

And oh but isn't fiction fun?!

1. He no longer looked like a short-coiffed Andy Gibb (God rest his soul)



2. He immediately appeared 8 years younger than the Modano of Game 3 (And played that way too)



3. He reminded me that playoff beards are dumb. That they don't hold any magical, mystical powers. That a beard will never be included on an organ donor card. That facial hair hasn't been "accepted" or "sexy" since Dan Haggerty and G.I. Joe. That beards aren't a hygienic way to store leftovers or act as a "flavor saver". And, that the Spring beard is both ass-backwards (A beard should only be grown for warmth in the late Fall and Winter), and anti-marketing (Growing Castro-esque facial hair is not what will grow the game in the U.S. or with the casual female viewer)

Oh, and a fourth thing - the Stars won.

So good on you, Mike Modano - you brave, beardless and beautiferous American idol.

There is nothing nobler in sport than denying your opponent success when all appears to be lost. I believe it's referred to as - character.

The DStars displayed loads of it last night and "character" has them playing Game 5 Saturday.

Most notable was the fact that this wonderful trait permeated all areas of the Stars lineup.

Modano showed it.

Morrow always drips with it.

Marty Turco's mask can't hide it.

Grossman displayed it, as did Eriksson and Ott.

Toby Petersen was impressive drawing the Zetterberg checking assignment.

Robidas continued to be the posterboy for character-driven success.

I could go on.

But I digress.

Hard work and character can beat talent if the talented team doesn't work hard or have an abundance of character. Unfortunately the Red Wings aren't the Florida Panthers.

No doubt it's going to take a replay of last night (and then some) in order for a Game 6 to be played Monday at AAC. After all, the Dallas Stars have never won a playoff game at the Joe, and Marty Turco is 0-9-2 in the Octopuses' Garden.

What's that?

You might be right.

They might be due.

Depending the outcome on the weekend expect the Stars to come back to Dallas either with their shields, ready for Monday's battle, or on them – having spent every brave ounce of what they had left.

More than any time in history (this playoffs) mankind (our Stars) faces a crossroads.

One path leads to despair and utter hopelessness (Saturday at The Joe), the other to total extinction (swept in four).

Let us pray that we (they) have the wisdom to choose correctly.

The Red Wings brass have assembled a collection of players that think the game at an accelerated level. The Red Wings coaching staff have pushed and prodded these smarty pants to do what they do at full speed.

They practice smart and with tempo, and they play how they practice.

The result is a very, very good Red Wing team.

The Stars have a good team. Its a team that gets its edge from tenacity. Its a team that relies heavily on its powerplay for offense. It is a team that needs its goalie to be the factor that tips the game in its favor.

Fast and bright is trumping hard and hermetic.

Thes Wings are harvesting the crop they sowed months ago.

The Stars are plowing water.

All is not lost however (Including the series…yet). This spring the Stars have exorcised some playoff demons by forcing their way into the Final Four, and with that comes the same injection of growth hormone that the Red Wings young players were shot-up with a year ago when they reached the Conference Final before bowing out at the hands of the eventual Cup winning Ducks.

The playoff experiences of 2008 will no doubt accelerate the development of the Stars young players -- players like Grossman, Niskanen, Fistric and Eriksson, and it will help boost the teams overall progression. After all, experience is what you get when you don't get what you want.

What they don't want now is to be swept off their skates at AAC Wednesday.

You may not know this but Mike Ribeiro was quite the ball player back in the day.

And “Ribs” was prompted to showcase his Jeter-like sweet swing in retaliation to goaltender Chris Osgood’s intentional semi-sharp stick near his eye.

Osgood buckled from the baseball style blow to his thickly padded, shock absorbing chest protector – miraculously regaining his motor skills a few moments after performing a re-enactment of Maximus Decimus Meridius' death in Gladiator. (James Lipton has asked him to be a guest on The Actor’s Studio to discuss this powerful performance).

Both are OK, just a little lighter in the money clip.

The Ott-Draper incident was playoff hockey from yesteryear.

“Otter” seems to harbor massive hatred for aging Red Wings. (And it just struck me, maybe the Stars have issues with Wings named “Chris”?- Weird eh.) His battles over the years with the Great Geriatric, Chris Chelios, have been vicious, entertaining and theatrical.

Perhaps he once got a bad bowl of chili.

The skateaway right hook to Kris Draper had its genesis in the faceoff a few seconds prior to the punch. Reports of a spear-like shot to the Stars forward’s ‘cash and prizes’ from Draper’s stick, a Captain Lou Albano leg lock, maybe a little eye gouging, and some other indignities came out of the wild hobo dust-up. Yes, guttural, Springer-like behavior to be sure – but you can’t help but watch can you?

Anyway, Ott will donate a little cash and he’ll be asked to harness/focus that hatred.

All involved will be on probation going forward.

Verbal violence after the whistles in Game 3 should be ramped up.

And - aren’t the playoffs just great!

Men against boys.

Varsity schooling JV.

You saw it -- ugly.

If the Stars are going to play to the level the Red Wings were at in Game 1 they'll need to lower their mental cholesterol and ignite those fast twitch muscles that seemed dormant in the opener.

Believe is the playoff slogan and that's what they need -- belief. Belief that they can/will defeat that Red Machine here in Detroit. They can't win the series without popping them on their home ice. And they're now down to games 2,5, and 7 (potentially) to do so.

Sure the guys were a tad lymphatic from the Shark series' marathon finale but they were also sluggish between the ears and they played right into the Red Wings strengths - which are plentiful.

If Game 1 was purely a contest of hockey sense the Stars lost 10-0.

Going forward this really isn't about "working harder" or "skating harder", its about working smarter and skating with purpose.

So lets hope they purge the needless penalties, reform their penalty killing, recharge their energy reserves, and take their smart pills.

I suggest they all get a deep tissue massage, guzzle a crate of Red Bull, hammer back as much salmon as they can stomach (I read it's a smart food), and get a good nights sleep in preparation for the most important game of their season.